it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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