I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
