why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We had sex on a dog bed..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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