I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
