and i looked up. we had an audience...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
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Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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