those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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