he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
