I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
