and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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