Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
