I can text with my tongue
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
