Christians are straight up FREAKS
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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