You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
