I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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