Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
