there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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