I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
