is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
