Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
True strength comes from lack of pants
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My life is pants optional.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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