Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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