I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
