Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
