as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
