Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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