Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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