Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
