Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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