I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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