Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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