Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize