just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
