yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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