Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
love makes seman taste better
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
