never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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