woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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