My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you made out with another girl for some wings
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
