someone threw a dead crab at me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
