i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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