we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
