I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
