ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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