I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
