well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
this beer tastes like vomit already
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
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That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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