I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
