So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
