Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
