How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
