I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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