My nipple is on Facebook.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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