Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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