just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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