Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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