I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
