dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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