I hate your face
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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