I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
