need another drink. this is the easiest way
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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